CRASHING! KILLER SPAM SCAM PORN FLOOD APPROACHING!

Hold on tight, folks, because a massive tsunami of spam is about to explode down on your mail. We're talking atrocious amounts of scammy emails packed with gross porn. These losers are trying to trick you out of your hard-earned cash, so be totally vigilant. Don't click on any buttons in these emails, and flag them immediately. Don't get caught!